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do judavaan bachche maan ke pet ke andar baaten kar rahe the. jab ek land andar ghusa to ek bola, "are ye to paapa hain."
doosara: abhe gadhe, ye to baajoo vaale ankal hain, paapa renakot nahin pahanate.
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2
misail aur kandom mein kya antar hai?
ek ke phatane se aabaadee kam hotee hai aur doosare ke phatane se aabaadee badhatee hai.
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3
jubaan pe jab bhee naam tera aata hai;
ye haath mera neeche chala jaata hai;
tumhen paane ke lie kuchh bhee kar jaoonga;
ek baar to karane de varana hila-hila ke mar jaoonga.
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kisee buzurg ne sahee kaha hai,
"ladakee ko laude pe bithao to tumase dil laga legee aur agar dil mein bithao to tumhaare laude laga degee."
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4
chaay aur garlaphrend mein kya samaanataen honee chaahie?
chaay aur garlaphrend mein kul saat samaanataen zarooree hain:
garm honee chaahie.
tez honee chaahie.
meethee honee chaahie.
rang sahee hona chaahie.
doodh zyaada hona chaahie.
jaldee se taiyaar ho jaanee chaahie.
aur
hamesha bistar par milanee chaahie.
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5
chude hue maal ko kabhee yaad mat karana;
jo choot na de us se kabhee phariyaad mat karana;
jise chudana hai vo chud kar hee rahegee;
bekaar mein muth maar ke apanee javaanee barbaad mat karana.
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joks dartee in hindee
6
barbaad karake mujhe usane poochha, "phir mujhase mohabbat karoge?"
lahooluhaan tha dil magar honthon ne kaha, "teree maan kee choot."
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yadi aap aur aapake laiph paartanar sukhee aur svasth rahana chaahate ho to
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istemaal karo
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kohinoor
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baasamatee chaaval.
achchha khaoge tabhee achchha sochoge.
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7
bhakt: baaba choot aur chootiye mein kya antar hai?
baaba: beta jo aadamee ko paagal kar de use choot kahate hain aur jo choot ke peechhe paagal ho jaaye use chootiya kahate hain.
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8
seks karate vakt ek boodha apanee patnee se bola: tait kar, tait kar.
budhiya gusse mein bolee: jo hai usee mein khush rahana seekho. kya aaj tak mainne kabhee kaha hai ki bada kar ya khada kar.
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9
pathaan hospital mein altraasaund karavaane ke lie gaya.
doktar: kameez utaaro, salavaar dheelee karake ulta let jao.
pathaan ghabaraakar bola, "doktar saahab pahale altraasaund na kar len?"
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10
kitana adhoora lagata hai, jab baadal ho baarish na ho;
jab zindagee ho aur pyaar na ho;
aankhen hon par khvaab na hon;
jab khada ho aur jugaad na ho.
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ladakee us shakhs ko maaf kar detee hai jo mauke ka galat phaayada uthaaye;
magar usako kabhee maaf nahin karatee jo mauke ka phaayada hee na uthaaye.
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12
na taaqat aap mein hai na aapakee haddee mein hai;
vaah - vaah!
na taaqat aap mein hai na aapakee haddee mein hai;
taaqat to usame hai jo bina haddee ke aapakee chaddee mein hai.
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13
kaun kahata hai ki mard ko dard nahin hota?
taangon ke beech ek laat maaro, agar dard na hua to vo naamard hai.
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14
bharee bas mein ek ladakee ke peechhe khade ladake ka khada aujaar ladakee ko chhoo raha tha.
ladakee ne us ladake ko zor se thappad maara aur kaha, "kameene khud ko khade hone kee jagah nahin, toone isako bhee khada kar rakha hai."
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15
pinkee: mammee aaj ek ladake ne meree choochee dabaee.
jeeto: tumane usako chaanta nahin maara?
pinkee: mujhe achaanak gaandhee jee yaad aa gae aur mainne doosaree choochee bhee aage kar dee.
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16
ek ladakee kee paitrol daalane vaale se shaadee ho gaee. agale din ladakee kee saheliyon ne usase poochha ki suhaagaraat kaisee rahee?
ladakee: saala saaree raat haath mein lekar ghoomata raha aur baar-baar poochhata raha kitana daaloon?
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17
kadava sach: jab ek aadamee ameer ho jae to sharaaratee ho jaata hai;
aur agar ek aurat sharaaratee ho jae to ameer ho jaatee hai!
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Clean double meaning jokes
18
kaun kahata hai ki mobail aur beevee alag hain?
donon ko paas rakhana padata hai,
donon ka kharcha uthaana padata hai,
aur donon ko raat ko chaarj bhee karana padata hai.
bas mobail ko baareeq pin se aur beevee ko motee pin se.
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19
is anajaan shahar mein patthar kahaan se aa kar laga mujhe,ai dost
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lagata hai gairon kee is bheed mein,
koee apana hee maan chuda raha hai.
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Clean double meaning jokes
20
ladakee kee tee-shart par likha tha:
amool - da test of indiya.
use dekh kar santa bahut prabhaavit hua aur apanee paint par likh diya:
kurakure - tedha hai par mera hai.
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21
aaj tak ka sabase gaand-phaad prapojal:
ladaka: tere paas land hai?
ladakee: nahin.
ladaka: mera legee?
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22
seks ke samay mard kee taaqat ka andaaza hilate hue koolhe se nahin balki ladakee ke uchhalate hue gubbaaron se hota hai.
aur seks kee shiddat ka andaaza mard ke zor se nahin ladakee ke shor se hota hai.
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23
pappoo: main kabhee bhee kisee ge ke saath nahin lad sakata.
bantee: kyon?
pappoo: kyonki mujhe pata hee nahin main use kaun so gaalee doon, main teree gaand phaad doonga, gaand mara, chod daaloonga.
isalie main unase kabhee nahin ladata.
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24
arz kiya hai:
raat bhar aaee nahin aur ham hila-hila kar yoon hee so gae;
zara gaur pharamaeeye:
raat bhar aaee nahin aur ham hila-hila kar yoon hee so gae;
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jo hila rahe the vo tha pankha, jo aaee nahin vo thee bijalee.
saalo kabhee to seedha soch liya karo.
